St. Inebrius (beernotbombs) wrote in smartiemine,
St. Inebrius
beernotbombs
smartiemine

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Dan Bern on the Barry Bonds steroid testimony

The news of the day seems to be the testimony Yankees' 1B Jason Giambi and Giants' OF Barry Bonds recently gave to a grand jury in the BALCO steroid case. Giambi admitted to knowingly taking steroids while Bonds admitted to accepting "arthritic creme" from his trainer. Bonds maintains ignorance about the nature of the substance he used, however.

Hearing all of this, I'm reminded of a song I heard Dan Bern sing at a show recently. I sort of feel the same way, actually, but I know I'm in the minority.

Enjoy!

"73" by Dan Bern

If Barry Bonds is really taking something
To hit make him hit more homers than before
They gotta throw him out of the game, sir
They gotta throw him out the door

Then burn the porn films with all the girls with implants
Burn the poetry by men who took lithium as boys
Your erection compliments of Levitra
Is hereby rendered null and soft and void

Then rip the contact lenses from your eyes, sir
You’re not really supposed to see naturally that well
No more flu shots or antibiotics
You’re supposed to still be sick my friend

In the future they say we’re gonna live
180 years, or 200
And you know they’ll be some jerk going around pointing
Saying you’re supposed to be dead, supposed to be dead

Disgrace by hint and suspicion
It’s point and cast a cloud of instant shame
And the president stamps the witch hunt with approval
And McCarthy gets sent back into the game

I’d like to now make a statement
I’d like to make a statement now
For a three-year period I was taking steroids
And my songs for that time are now in doubt

I apologize to my family
I apologize to you, the fans
I apologize to the very craft of songwriting
I’ll take my punishment with all the grace I can

"God Said No" and "Black Tornado," throw ‘em out
I wrote them while the juice was in my veins
Everything I’ve sung since "Fuck the Monkey"
Go ahead and throw it down the drain

Imagine a world where everyone’s taking something
Imagine such a world then just for fun
Imagine the president’s taking smart pills
That’d be even better than 73 home runs

Disgrace by hint and suspicion
It’s point and cast a cloud of instant shame
And the president stamps the witch hunt with approval
And McCarthy gets sent back into the game

73
73
73 home runs

73
73
73 home runs
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