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Smartie Mine

[ website | danbern.com ]
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[23 Nov 2006|09:18pm]

I just finished reading "Quitting Science". I loved the voice but found it slightly disjointed. What did everyone else think?
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[31 Jul 2006|12:16am]

Today I met Dan Bern, I can die happy now :)
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Dan Bern announces new album [10 Jul 2006|09:30am]

"Breathe" scheduled for release on Messenger Records September 19th.

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[28 Apr 2006|01:22pm]

Hey Bern Fans! Dan's favorite local band The Bends need your help. Carlos Levi and Trent are trying to get to Warped tour in Las Crucess Through the Ernie Ball Battle of the Bands. Go and listen to their Music all the way through. Belive me it gets them points. http://www.battleofthebands.com/thebends Listen to both songs and lets see if we can get these boys from Small town NM some exposure. Thanks

Judd Irish Bradley
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Sorry here's the poster [20 Mar 2006|04:52pm]

Poster for April 6
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Have Fun [20 Mar 2006|04:48pm]

<img src="http://myspace-873.vo.llnwd.net/00551/37/87/551067873_l.jpg"
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New DB Tour Dates! [08 Mar 2006|08:04pm]

[ mood | envious ]

Woohoo, Dan Bern's on tour again. Yeah! Of course, everything is far, far away because I live in Binghamton, NY, which is right next to nowhere. Closest gigs are in NYC, upper Hudson Valley, or Pittsburgh. I curse geography.

This is the perfect opportunity to review my favorite Dan Bern lyric:

So often these days eating Indian food
Passes for spirituality
I don't meditate
I don't pray
But I eat two samosas every day
-- Rolling Away

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Live Music Archive [15 Oct 2005|12:59am]

For whatever reason, I feel like I'm discovering this about 10 years after the fact. But whatever. If you're not already aware, there are a number of Dan Bern shows available for download over at Archive.org in MP3, FLAC and Vorbis formats. I particularly like the Joe's Pub show from March 7, 2004. Some great stuff and as per usual for a Bernstein concert, at least half the songs are of the unreleased variety. Enjoy.
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Anyone see Dan in July? [11 Aug 2005|04:53pm]

ANyone see Dan at 12 Galaxies in SF in July?
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Dan Bern on the Barry Bonds steroid testimony [03 Dec 2004|02:11pm]

[ mood | geeky ]

The news of the day seems to be the testimony Yankees' 1B Jason Giambi and Giants' OF Barry Bonds recently gave to a grand jury in the BALCO steroid case. Giambi admitted to knowingly taking steroids while Bonds admitted to accepting "arthritic creme" from his trainer. Bonds maintains ignorance about the nature of the substance he used, however.

Hearing all of this, I'm reminded of a song I heard Dan Bern sing at a show recently. I sort of feel the same way, actually, but I know I'm in the minority.


"73" by Dan Bern

If Barry Bonds is really taking something
To hit make him hit more homers than before
They gotta throw him out of the game, sir
They gotta throw him out the door

Then burn the porn films with all the girls with implants
Burn the poetry by men who took lithium as boys
Your erection compliments of Levitra
Is hereby rendered null and soft and void

Then rip the contact lenses from your eyes, sir
You’re not really supposed to see naturally that well
No more flu shots or antibiotics
You’re supposed to still be sick my friend

In the future they say we’re gonna live
180 years, or 200
And you know they’ll be some jerk going around pointing
Saying you’re supposed to be dead, supposed to be dead

Disgrace by hint and suspicion
It’s point and cast a cloud of instant shame
And the president stamps the witch hunt with approval
And McCarthy gets sent back into the game

I’d like to now make a statement
I’d like to make a statement now
For a three-year period I was taking steroids
And my songs for that time are now in doubt

I apologize to my family
I apologize to you, the fans
I apologize to the very craft of songwriting
I’ll take my punishment with all the grace I can

"God Said No" and "Black Tornado," throw ‘em out
I wrote them while the juice was in my veins
Everything I’ve sung since "Fuck the Monkey"
Go ahead and throw it down the drain

Imagine a world where everyone’s taking something
Imagine such a world then just for fun
Imagine the president’s taking smart pills
That’d be even better than 73 home runs

Disgrace by hint and suspicion
It’s point and cast a cloud of instant shame
And the president stamps the witch hunt with approval
And McCarthy gets sent back into the game

73 home runs

73 home runs

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Thanksgiving Day Parade [26 Nov 2004|10:11pm]

Well, if no one else is gonna do it....

Everybody was ecstatic
'Bout the light show on the farm
And everyone got crazy
And nobody got harmed
And the five televisions
Huge upon the stage
Had come to pay their union dues
And make a living wage
And the bathroom was the clubhouse
Where the colors all got made
And plans were cast in feathers
For the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And the DJ spins his records
From here out to the sun
And he flings them through a big hole
In the ozone one by one
And somewhere beyond Mercury
The wax begins to melt
And we touched a perfect stranger
And we loved the way it felt
And we all hung together
In our crew cuts and our braids
Floating down Broadway
Above the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And you and I were discussing Natalie
While you poised to thrust above her
And I told you how I admire her
And will always need to love her
And I told you how I lost
My best friend Mr. Neill
And we slowly started dancing
And began slowly to heal
And then we all held hands
And no one was afraid
On our way to sell our sculptures
At the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And Michelangelo finally came down
After four years on the ceiling
He said he'd lost his funding
And the paint had started peeling
And he told us that his patron
His Holiness, the Pope
Was demanding productivity
With which our friend just couldn't cope
And he rode off on his skateboard
With his brushes and his blade
Muttering something 'bout some food
And the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And we who were born in one millennium
And will die in the next
Are slightly underappreciated
And slightly oversexed
And as the seconds and the minutes
Start to vanish one by one
I'm watching more cartoons
As I get my toenails done
And we went downtown to deliver
Turkeys to people with AIDS
And then we headed uptown
To the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And the music keeps on grinding
And the electrophonic crunch
And my father's hair is thinning
And my mom ate some for lunch
And you, you were my babysitter
And you let me break my tooth
And we sit here tied together
In a bar in the back booth
And the band is in an uproar
Only the drum machine's been paid
And we'll have to bring our own tunes
To the Thanksgiving Day Parade

Australians are the coolest
People in the world
Let's all go down under
With strings of colored pearls
And lay them at the feet
Of the heirs of English crime
And listen to old Men At Work
And have a real good time
And we dug until we hit the rocks
Then we threw away the spade
And built a platform to get a better view
Of the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And I love whoever's next to me
I love them so, so much
They let me lean against them
Like a beautiful crutch
And everyone should come up
On the stage and grab the mike
And tell us one by one
Who they are and what they like
And the babies are the only ones
To have lately gotten laid
And I'm feeling young and eager
For the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And you explained to me that without your fans
You'd be back out on the street
With nothing but chitlins on your plate
And splinters in your feet
And if you die, you're gone you said
And your friends are left behind
And you'll be a statistic
And we'll be deaf and blind
And darkness is a virtue
And molasses is not afraid
To slow down the countdown
To the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And somewhere in the distance
An orchestra shows its face
With Natalie on the oboe
Ty on double bass
John plays the viola
Slik the tenor sax
James he blows harmonica
In vanilla skin-tight slacks
Hugo oozes alto sax
Ivory the trombone
Masuda squawks the trumpet
Andre xylophone
Ron he shreds the violin
In a green Italian suit
Mike talks on the telephone
On a tape with an endless loop
Geoff he blows the clarinet
With an old-time rockin' feel
Charlie dings the triangle
Dave the glockenspiel
Chris puffs on the tuba
H a big bass drum
Alfonso throbs the cello
Like he would a woman, with his thumb
And high up on the podium
In tails with his baton poised
Banksy leads the orchestra
In a glorious, awful noise
And on a float of dripping oil paint
The orchestra, it played
Kissing the whole universe
In the Thanksgiving Day Parade

And life is like a fairy tale
Every step feels like a dream
That keeps on getting nearer
And more and more extreme
And we just got switched with Venus
And we're closer to the sun
And I got no problem with it
Nor should anyone
And the cops just blew on in here
And we're in some kind of raid
I just hope they will release us
For the Thanksgiving Day Parade
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Message from Dan Bern [05 Nov 2004|09:27pm]

dear all,

i know, i know. it sucks, it sucks, it sucks.

i spent tuesday & wednesday alone, in the hot springs in oregon. my
favorite place in the country, a place of rebirth, etc., and it was still
barely enough. i spent 3 days going down the road of "gee, maybe they're
all right and i'm wrong. mayber they're smarter than us. maybe gays
shouldn't marry and our kids should pray in school and pot is bad and we're
right to kick ass in iraq and wherever else we feel like it." even listened
to limbaugh with a blank mind, and full belief & credence. ugh.

but hey. this ain't about me. it's about you. i just wanted to take a
moment to thank some people who've helped in so many ways this year. who i
see out there working for something besides themselves. in no particular

thanks to suman paranjape and alex tager and michelle esrick, who worked
tirelessly setting up great events, & for including me in them. to david
margulies for high sierra & for hooking me up with 12 galaxies. to adam &
robert at 12 galaxies for a great club & giants tix & wiffle ball. to marc
zolot for being a great friend & providing traveling tunes and driving me
around nyc & listening to me harrumph. to miki for driving around the
country and being a total pro--if there were 10 more of you i'd be playing
stadiums. to danielle for coming out to sell my stuff even tho i know
that's not your gig, and for being a voice on the other end of the phone.
to ani and her crew--simply the best--i admire & am inspired & so grateful
you are there. to sut jhally for a great film. to james campion for support
and wisdom and your damned zogby polls! to ty for coming to pittsburgh and
to mike for being my wild poet & now guitar friend in nyc. to everyone at
the hotel. to chris chandler & anne feeney & danny peck & randy kaplan &
garrin benfield & carlos 'n levi & jim page & andras jones and paul
sprawl, thanks for coming out & playing with me and making the shows, well,
shows. to the ijbc for recording mcII and for a great reunion in denver. to
brandon kessler for much hard work & dedication, and thanks especially for
'anthems.' to everyone at fleming. to harvey & barbara markowitz, thanks
for staying vigilant and sending so much good information. to shannon
roeder and michael fox and brian remer and the whole ny/nj crew and chris
whitley and melissa ferrick and ariane halle and clay & the indiana crew
and steve glore and sheila nicholls and c.c. white and deborah stalford and
leslie schwartz, for being friendly faces on the road. to brian prosser for
the fish stories. to marty & mary in louisville for years of providing a
home on the road. to all the clubs that let us play there & all the writers
who wrote about the records and the shows and put up with me being gruff on
the other end of some cel phone from some hotel somewhere. to eva for
letting me type this at her house. and to all of you for coming out,
showing up, supporting the cause, getting involved, getting pissed,
allowing me & many others to do what we do. thank you. your efforts, our
efforts, are not in vain.

lick the wounds. not too much 2nd-guessing. it was never going to be easy.
and it was never just about one election. lick the wounds. then back to
work. whevever you're ready.

in peace & gratitude,

dan bern

"now all this may not happen in the next 100 days
"nor perhaps in the next 1000 days
"nor perhaps in the lifetime of this administration
"nor perhaps in the lifetime of this country.
"but let us begin." *
---j.f. kennedy

*paraphrasing, kids
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[30 Aug 2004|11:31am]

Dan is playing at either union square or washington square in NYC today and I don't know which. Can anybody help me?
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[21 Aug 2004|12:42am]

[ mood | happy ]

dan bern at south street seaport in nyc tonight: AWESOME!! despite rude, drunk tech guys, I enjoyed the show so so so much.

it was awesome :)

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without you [11 Aug 2004|04:39am]

[ mood | confused ]

I have a question for you Dan Bern lovers!

I downloaded this live song a long time ago called "without you" and it was labeled by Dan Bern and it sounds like him so I have to assume it's him. Thing is, I cannot for the life of me find lyrics or any such thing for this song. It's an absolutely beautiful song and a few lyrics are unclear so...

does anyone know of this song or anything?

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Bush Must Be Defeated [25 Jul 2004|10:46am]

[ mood | happy ]

These lyrics have been posted at danbern.com.


Bush Must Be Defeated
Written by Dan Bern; not yet recorded for release

bush must be defeated
bush must be defeated
bush must be defeated
bush must be defeated

bush must be defeated
his evil gang unseated
his base of power deleted
his energy depleted

bush must be defeated
further services unneeded
his departure speeded
there's a land but you don't lead it

bush must be defeated
the rose garden weeded
a new frontier reseeded
we'll no longer let you bleed it

bush must be defeated
this mistake not be repeated
our desires not go unheeded
we will not twice be cheated

bush must be defeated
his goodbye coffee heated
his inaugural spats uncleated
his white house bed short-sheeted

bush must be defeated
his welcome's been exceeded
successors must be greeted
the imposter excreted

bush must be defeated, etc. (repeat indefinitely)

* The chords are very simple. The verses are all E-C#minor-A-B, and the bridge section is A-C#m-A-B.
or if you prefer, G-Em-C-D and the bridge, C-Em-C-D.


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Dan Bern news (in case you aren't subbed to the DBHQ newsletter) [23 Jul 2004|09:49am]

From: DBHQ <danbern@gte.net>
Sent: Jul 22, 2004 10:02 AM
To: dbhq@lists.tellurian.net
Subject: Bern Bulletin 7/22/04

Hi Folks,

First, here's an announcement from Dan Bern himself:

"we are happy to present, at long last, 'quitting science,' the odyssey of
cunliffe merriwether's travels as a man of science. with a preface by dan
bern and an introduction by the esteemed critic carmela houndstooth, and
containing some 60 illustrations, 'quitting science' will surely grace your
bookshelf for years to come, alongside such comparable tomes as 'gulliver's
travels,' 'the catcher in the rye,' 'cobalt--its forms and uses,' and other
great works of the english language. the first 300 copies of 'quitting
science' ordered from danbern.com will be signed by dan bern himself, who,
in penning the preface to 'quitting science,' is perhaps as proud as
anything he has ever done--short of winning that spelling medal in the
second grade. but never mind that."

QUITTING SCIENCE, published by Kababa; 340 pages. $18.

To order your copy, please visit <http://www.danbern.com/store.html>.
Please note that all book orders will be shipped in 3 - 5 weeks, when the
books are hot off the press!

Dan will be back on the road from the end of August until Election Day.
Many more dates will be added, but here is what we have so far. The shows
marked with an * are shows at which Dan will be supporting ani difranco.

South Street Seaport
New York, NY
6 PM

Clearwater Festival
Asbury Park, NJ
4 PM

Webster Hall
New York, NY

* 9/10
Palace Theater
Greensburg, PA
8 PM

* 9/11
Lyric Opera House
Baltimore, MD
8 PM

* 9/12
Carpenter Center for the Performing Arts
Richmond, VA
8 PM

* 9/14
Florida Theater
Jacksonville, FL
8 PM

* 9/15
House of Blues
Orlando, FL
8 PM

* 9/17
Pompano Beach Ampitheater
Pompano Beach, FL
8 PM

* 9/18
Tampa Bay Arts Center
Tampa Bay, FL
8 PM

* 9/19
The Tabernacle
Atlanta, GA
8 PM

Mercury Lounge
Nashville, TN
9 PM

* 10/1
Promo West Pavilion
Colombus, OH
8 PM

* 10/2
Warner Theater
Erie, PA
8 PM

I'll be in touch soon, as more dates are confirmed....

Hope to see you!

Miki at DBHQ

For changes in subscription to this list, please send an email to danbern@gte.net.
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two more (requests) [17 Jul 2004|02:02am]

[ mood | sleepy ]

Revolution Begins In The Basement (from set one) and James Brown (from set two), both from the june 24th show. i also tacked the first "song" from the cd (an introduction of sorts) onto the beginning of the Revolution mp3, because i find it amusing and i thought you probably would too. :) enjoy


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ask and you shall receive. [14 Jul 2004|12:34am]

spookypirate commented on my last post asking for more mp3s, so here's what i could get up tonight (all from the second set on july 8th at 12 Galaxies):

01 - President
07 - Tyranny
08 - My Country Too (same song that i put up the other day, i just changed the filename for consistency's sake)
09 - Ostrich Town
14 - Cy Young

i can do more later, too. check out the setlists from the two nights i have recorded (7/8 & 6/24), and let me know if there's a specific song i should put up.. i don't know which ones everybody already has and all that. so yeah. goodnight. :) -shona

p.s. does anyone have the Beatles song (sometimes known as The Fifth Beatle)? it was actually the last song of the first set from the 8th, but according to the guy who did the recording, the set was too long so it got cut off. cheers
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My Country II [11 Jul 2004|11:29pm]

howdy folks. i just posted an mp3 from last thursday in my lj and i thought people here might be interested. here is the post, complete with lyrics and dan's message about the new cd (though i would guess most of you know about that already). enjoy.

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